Thursday, March 25, 2010

Rants and Swimsuits



I've been working out at the gym, faithfully, since December. I've gained 15 pounds in my rear and gut, and I don't think the weight gain is due to the newly-grown muscles in my triceps. My rear is bursting out of my old jeans (just say no to crack), and I look five months pregnant. Every time I pass the hallway mirror, I suck-in my gut. Then I wish I could remove my gut-pooch and stuff it into my bra.

My point is: It's warming up outside, and the yappy birds in our backyard trees are reminding me that, soon, I'll be sitting poolside in my itty-bitty, yellow-polka dot tankini. And that reminder made me wish that didn't have to wear a swimsuit with a padded top. Did you know stuffing with toilet paper doesn't work? The toilet paper sags then scatters into pieces once you've gotten into the pool. A total disaster. Trust me, I should have a PhD in this topic. (Hannah will die when she reads this. And you know what else? She and I have the same bra size, and I'm not kidding one bit.)

Last night I flexed my biceps for the Mia Maids, and they were totally impressed. I told the girls, "If you ever need me to kick someone's butt for you, I'll do it." That's what good Mia Maid leaders do: encourage Personal Progress and kick butts. (Such crass language from such a religious gal, I do say.)

Anyhoo, I want to tell you that I got an "A" in my writing class, two points shy of a perfect "A." Are you so proud of me? I just want to give a shout out to Professor Deakin for being such an AWESOME teacher--I adore her to her bones.

P.S. I can't take credit for that bodacious bicep. It belongs to my brother, Chris. My bicep is almost as big, though.

7 comments:

  1. I was more than a little concerned about your bicep pic. Relieved it's not yours! Laughing about the toilet paper in the bathing suit comment.

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  2. Are you sure you weren't jealous of my implied bicep? I've missed hearing from you!

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  3. I'm gonna hit you next time I see you.

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  4. You're going to kiss me, Caryn.

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  5. LOL. You are so funny! I've missed your blogs horribly!!!

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  6. So glad to see you posting! It was fun running into you yesterday. Congratulations on your "A" and your impressive bicep!

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  7. Oh dear, mother. This is embarrassing! Just brag about how you get an "A" in your writing class and your biceps. Not about any toilet paper stuffing or anything. Please don't put me in anymore posts....

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