Wednesday, March 7, 2012

I Refuse

"Ma'am, do you know how fast you were traveling?"

"Yes, 80 mph."

"No, Ma'am, I clocked you going 90 mph."

"Officer, I had my speed set to 80 mph, come look at my cruise control settings. I wasn't speeding.  In fact, being that it's Saturday, I took extra caution to ensure I wasn't speeding."

"It took you quite a while to pull over. I followed you for at least a mile, and you didn't even notice. Please hand me you license, vehicle's registration, and proof of insurance."

I watched through my rear view mirror while he walked to his patrol car.  I was positive he wouldn't write me a ticket, especially since I explained I was only going 80 mph, not 90.  He was just checking to see if my record was clear.  He came back.

"Ma'am, when is the last time you've gotten a ticket?"

"Years.  I'm a careful driver."

"Have you heard of traffic school?"

What? Yes, but you're not writing me a ticket, are you?

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Well, I've got to call my lawyer (Bryce) to see if I have to sign that ticket.  I really wasn't speeding."

"Ma'am, you do not need to call your lawyer.  This is a civil complaint, not criminal."

"I won't sign it.  I wasn't speeding.  My car was on cruise control.  Come see. Look, what happens if I don't sign it?  Is it illegal?"

"Ma'am, listen, if it were illegal, I'd already have you in cuffs.  I'm just going to write "refused"on the signature line and drop this ticket on your seat.  OK?"


"Have a good day.  Sorry for not signing the ticket," I said as he walked away.

He turned back and said, "You'll still have to pay for that ticket; you were speeding."

"I wasn't speeding," I said under my breath.

P.S.  You should always sign your tickets.  Your signature only means that you're aware of the complaint against you.  It's not a confession of guilt.  Don't be an idiot.


  1. You are so hilarious. I love it.

  2. This guy wasn't quite as friendly as my highway patrol guy. It's so funny that you wouldn't sign the ticket.

  3. Bummer! Guess he was not in a friendly mood that day.

  4. My husband has a few tickets that he refused to sign... back in the day, of course.
    And where were you driving where the speed limit was 80? And where you driving Danica Patrick's race car?!

  5. Jaime,
    I was just outside of Quartzite where the speed limit is 75. 80 is over the limit, but I wasn't doing 90 like my ticket says.