Tuesday, November 24, 2009


The other night I was dead-dog tired. And you know, when the mama is dead-dog tired, the demands begin to swarm like gnats on a hot summer's day. It's God's way of teaching us patience and long-suffering.

After three hours of homework (seriously), an hour of piano practice, cooking dinner, and bath time, I was D-O-N-E. The afternoon had quickly turned to night, and I could hardly wait for 8:30 to flash on our microwave's digital clock.

"It's time for bed, people." I clapped and hollered as I marched up the hallway to check what was going on in the brightly lit bathroom. My homies had been in there, fonching around, for the last ten minutes. I turned the corner, surprised to find wads of toilet paper, dotted with blood, scattered across the bathroom counter.

"My tooth came out." Sam said, turning to show me the blood pumping from his back molar.

"Awesome, Bud. Go to bed." I said, patting him on the back.

"The Tooth Fairy will come tonight. That tooth was hard to get out, Mom."

"I bet it was, Bud. Bed." I said, like a broken record.

Here's the thing: The Tooth Fairy and I were out of cold, hard cash. We were also exhausted to the max. That's why we decided on using the Sacagawea I had found in the dryer the day before. Sue me, and kick me down the street. I now realize that the Tooth Fairy and I stink like toe jam. The old, dirty coin was a heartless and lazy gift. I get it.

I busted a gut when I found Sam's written response to the Tooth Fairy, which was left on his bedroom floor, next to his bed:

Dear Tooth Fairy,

I was expecting more of a gift. I am not trying to be rude but I think you could put a little more efort into that (Not trying to be rude).


The story gets more pathetic. I loved the note so much, I stuffed it into my underwear drawer. I wanted to save it forever. Later that day, Sam found it and asked, "How did the Tooth Fairy's note get in here?"

I stood there, speechless.

P.S. In case you were wondering, I did ask Sam what in the tarnation was he doing, shuffling around in my undergarment business. Apparently he was looking for Christmas presents.


  1. Love it! The tooth fairy or TF as we call it in code around our house, has succum to raiding the pantry for fruit snacks a time or two or diggin in my purse for some loose change. Poor TF she gets a bad rap every now and again! His note is so cute... you've hidden christmas presents in you underware drawer before??? Time for a new hiding spot!

  2. What a great story! That's so funny that he's rooting around for Christmas gifts! I remember doing that as a kid :) I'm only a great TF on the first tooth, after that it's whateva!

  3. I was cracking up reading this story. Darn kids are so smart and sneaky. Not even the underwear drawer is safe!

  4. Ok. I must admit it! I had to google the word "fonching". I figured the gist of it, but I wanted a definition.

    Secondly, did you ask Sam what more did he want from the tooth fairy? LOL

    Thirdly, how did you respond to his question of why was his note in your drawer?

    Lastly, one year I was in the same predicament. So what did I put under Dane's pillow? You got it!!! I stuck a KING SIZE Snickers under his pillow. The next morning when he was showing me I shrugged my shoulders and said, "well...the toothfairy is just trying to make sure that more of your teeth fall out. She/He needs those teeth". Don't think the boy didn't pull out another tooth that week, cuz he did!!!!!!

    Happy Thanksgiving girl! We love you guys!!!

  5. Mendy, The fruit snacks made me laugh, but the best part was when I imagined you digging in your purse, looking for change. Awesome!

    Dacia, I looked in my mom's check register to see if she'd bought what I really wanted for Christmas. I feel horrible about that, but you'd think my level of sneakiness could outsmart my own kids. It's not the case.

    I'd have to agree with Brandee: Our kids are too dang smart!

    Lori, My mom said, "Stop fonching around," all the time, hence, the word that can only be found in a slang dictionary.

    In the story, I didn't add that the TF wrote back Sam, apologizing for the coin, and she left him 5 bucks. But then I had to use his 5 bucks for lunch money, so now he's left with the Sacagawea. Sad.

    When he asked how the note got into the underwear drawer, I said, "I have no idea what's going on in this house." Then Hannah whispered in my ear, in front of Sam, "You should tell him the truth."

    I haven't told him the truth, yet.

  6. I don't think he really wants the truth. He wants real money. The tooth fairy at our house always needed several days to come up with the cash.

  7. Katy, the toothfairy has been so busy at our house she keeps forgetting to come to our house! Jacob lost his tooth about a week ago (maybe even two) and, bless his heart, just keeps waiting patiently for the toothfairy to get some cash and take his tooth!!
    That note is hilarious though!!!

  8. Louise, The truth would absolutely devastate Sam. You're right; he wants the cash and nothing more. I think his peers have tried to enlighten him on the whole TF topic, but he's still a firm believer.

    Melissa, I just read this to Elizabeth and we both started laughing. Let's have Chris be the TF. Or, better yet, Ryan needs to give the TF a night off. Let him take care of it.

    But now you owe Jacob cash AND a toy. He should be sainted for that kind of patience.

  9. love this love your writing love being a part of your world!

  10. I am surprised your toothfairy doesn't know the escape clause.... she does not appear in messy rooms... sounds like Sam's room was not clean enough. Clean up Sam and try again!

  11. One more thing... I love the moment when you said you were D O N E. I would be a rich woman if I got a nickle for every night I said, "I'M DONE!!!!". Seriously, I am like Cinderella... when the clock hits 8:30, I turn into a stepsister. Ahhhh motherhood.

  12. Oh my gosh you are funny. Our tooth fairy waits for two months before making any sort of appearance...and what she leaves looks strangely similar to the pile of coins Dave empties from his pockets and lets pile up on his dresser...

  13. HAHAHAHA!!! I had to seriously control myself to not laugh very loudly as I read that post... It was good times haha