Pickup Lines

I love taking the young women home after our mutual activities. We rock out to music and talk about the latest: boys, boys, boys. One girl told us about her D-I-S-A-S-T-R-O-U-S first date. The best part of her story was the pickup line he used to ask her on a second date. Here's what he texted her:

Boy: Can you help me solve a math problem?

Girl: Yes.

Boy: You+Me+Polar Ice=...........(A. Big. Fat. No.)

Bluck!

The other girls began listing additional pickup lines, and we laughed all the way home. I'm listing our top five favorites for your reading pleasure.

Boy: Is your name Virtue?

Girl: No.

Boy: Because you're garnishing my thoughts unceasingly.

Boy: What's your favorite temple?

Girl: Mesa, AZ.

Boy: Well, I'm looking at mine.

Boy: Do you have a map?

Girl: No.

Boy: Because I keep getting lost in your eyes.

Boy: Do you have something stuck in your eyes?

Girl: No.

Boy: It's your eyes sparkling.

Boy: Did it hurt?

Girl: Did what hurt?

Boy: When you fell from Heaven and landed in my heart.

I know you've fallen for double-decker cheesy. You probably married him. And now Mr. Cheese Whiz continues to tell you romantic one-liners and believing him has placed you in a pile of laundry, with a handful of kids. You should have been like the young women and texted him a big: No. Thank. You. But maybe you're like me, and you're crazy about your kids (not so much the laundry part), and you wouldn't have your life be any other way, cheese and all.

p.s.--Here's the pickup line mi Amor used on me while we were stocking denim at the Gap. (We worked together.)

Boy: Do you have Captain Crunch cereal?

Girl: Yes. (I really didn't.)

Boy: Can I come over and eat some?

Girl: (Heart melting like butter in a microwave) Yes. Yes. Yes. (I only said it once.)

p.p.s--I text mi Amor cheesy pickup lines almost daily. "Your moves are so smooth," was my latest and greatest. It keeps things spicy and extra cheesy!